5 steps to wean with ease

Weaning a toddler? Here’s 5 simple steps to make it easy.

Weaning a toddler can be quite tricky if you don’t know where to start. Luckily for you, I have done it with both of my children in the last two years and it was mostly a pleasant and easy experience. I follow a gentle, intuitive and intentional way of parenting. So when it came time to wean, I wanted to make it as simple and stress free for all of us.

How do you know it is time to wean?

This quote from KellyMom.com puts it perfectly.

The word “wean” means a passage from one relationship to another –
not a loss or detachment from a relationship.”

Which means the right time to wean is different for every family.

For me, I knew intuitively that it was time for me to stop breastfeeding because I was feeling irritable and touched out most of the time. Breastfeeding is a big commitment but it shouldn’t be detrimental to your mental or emotional health. It was really having a negative affect on how I felt and so I knew it was time to stop. This did not mean that either of my daughters were ready to stop when I was though.

Because the decision was not a mutual one, I had to develop a way to intentionally make this transition as gentle as possible.

Why I decided to stop breastfeeding

I stopped feeding my first daughter, Jasmine, at 3 years and 4 months while I continued to breastfed her younger sister. I stopped feeding my second daughter at 3 years and 1 month (I really wanted to get to that 4 month mark as well, but I just felt so touched out and snappy all the time. I knew my mental health is more important than than those few extra months so I had to let that hope go).

So how did I do it? An even better question is - how did I do it so easily?

In short:

And then we were done.

What is setting an intention and why is it important?

Setting an intention is like setting a goal. For example, you can set a goal such as ‘I want to stop breastfeeding at night,’ which is what I did with my first daughter. And it was horrific! I just decided that I needed to stop feeding at night because the nursing aversion that I had was so unbearable.

So I stopped feeding her, just like that, no regard for how she might feel or react. No regard for how I might feel or react. She screamed, I screamed and nobody was happy. It went on for about a week and then she stopped waking up to feed at night. It worked, but it was, like I said, horrific!

I wish I knew then what I know now.

When you set an intention, you consider how you want it to feel, how you want your little one to feel and that is what you work towards.

The next time I decided it was time to wean, I had to acknowledge how I was feeling, touched out and suffering from nursing aversion again. But I knew I couldn’t act as abruptly as I had done before. I noticed the early signs and set an intention to wean my elder daughter in a way that felt good to the both of us.

I taught myself how to cope with the nursing aversion through practices similar to what they teach in hypnobirthing. This way I would not have to stop feeding immediately and we could work towards the end of our journey peacefully.

The importance of communication, repetition and boundaries

Once I had made the decision to wean, I began to communicate that intention to my daughter. I would repeatedly say things like ‘soon there won’t be any more boobies,’ during our feeds and ‘the boobies get really tired feeding two girls’ if I felt touched out and wanted her to wait until her baby sister was finished.

I explained and explained and explained in as many different ways as possible. I told stories at night and made up role plays when we were playing with her toys and soon she got the message and started telling those stories to me too!

Sometimes she would stomp or cry - because she was frustrated. I stuck to my boundaries, help space for her to feel what she was feeling and found ways to help her through her emotions.

It’s really important to remember it is highly likely that your little one will find the transition a bit difficult sometimes, it doesn’t mean you’re not doing the right thing, nor does it mean they are doing the wrong thing.

Hold space for your little one to be upset, and continue to explain to them that there are other ways they can bond with you. It takes time for the message to sink in, but it will.

This step is the most important in making your weaning experience a good one. It will most certainly take some time, but repetition and keeping calm yourself will make it easier.

With both of my daughters, we reached a point where they would ask for boobies, and then they’d laugh and say, ‘boobies are finished now’ before giving them a squeeze (or in one very memorable instance - a loving punch), and then heading off to go and play.

And then, we were done.

So, set your intentions, how do you want everyone to feel, communicate that intention over and over, with compassion and patience, create and keep your boundaries, and give it some time. And then, you’ll be done.

Take care of you. Post-Weaning Depression can occur after you wean, but it is rarely talked about.

Finally, I want to remind you that with weaning comes and influx of emotions and you too may be feeling weepy, frustrated or irritable for no apparent reason. Your hormones are changing again and your identity is changing - so be kind to yourself.

- Rest

- Eat well

- Substitute your breastfeeding bond with lots of cuddles

- Talk about your feelings

I’m wishing you the absolute best on your journey. Good luck.