Christmas can be the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be the most overwhelming time of the year for people. Just imagine how overwhelming it is for those with sensory processing difficulties, or those who find it difficult to deal with change.
You want to recreate those happy festive memories that you had as a child with your own children, but sometimes that isn’t always possible, especially when you have a child with complex needs. Your child’s sensory issues don’t suddenly disappear at Christmas. If anything, they’re heightened.
Not only is the child trying to deal with all of the extra sensory overload, there is often huge changes in routines at school, weekends are often busier than normal it is no wonder that as SEN parents we can see Autistic Burnout.
Keep things as ‘normal’ as possible
It can be really tricky, but try and keep Christmas as a normal day as you possibly can. We often have Christmas as just the four of us doing regular Christmas things, but they’re reduced. If we see other family members, then it's usually for an hour or so.
We do have presents delivered from Santa but try and do this is a calm fashion – and sometimes we space them out over the day and open some on Boxing Day too.
When it comes to our Christmas lunch, our children love a roast dinner so we do a variation of that but we don't go to town and try and keep the dining table decoration to a minimum.
Be flexible
We have a daughter with very complex needs and sometimes she struggles to be involved or participate in things the way our son does. That said, it’s really important that our daughter is included in everything we do but it has to be meaningful for her and to know that she is going to enjoy it. If we are invited to a Christmas event and know she's not going to be able to access, then one of us will take our son to the event and the other parent will do a separate activity with her, either in the home or at a familiar setting.
We don’t view this as excluding her from things – it's actually much kinder for her to be at home or a familiar setting and feel safe with one of her dads.
Festive events
Many events hold SEN sessions, whether it is meeting Santa, a winter wonderland, festive films or even panto, look on the internet or social media to find your local ones. These events are set up to reduce anxieties and sensory overload. We tend to go to Santa’s grotto at a garden centre because it’s a tranquil place and often less busy.
We’re going to a panto this year but rather than a SEN session, we’re taking another adult to help manage our daughter’s needs. I’ve booked seats next to the aisle and I’m planning to speak to theatre staff beforehand to explain that our daughter may have to leave and come back in. If you have a child with additional needs, I’d encourage you to have these chats – in most cases, people are happy to help.
Calming techniques
As SEN parents you will have many tips and tricks to help with anxiety and calm those overload moments for your child. It really is trial and error, so whatever works for your family, do it! Don’t worry what others may think.
Some simple steps could include:
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Going to shops at quieter times
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Taking a box of fidget toys
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A buggy
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Take an extra adult to help you
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Online orders!
Go for minimal, indestructible decorations
Our daughter can sometimes be quite impulsive and throw objects. So, we opt for minimalism with any Christmas decorations – soft toys and cushions are perfect because it doesn't matter if your child wants to move, cuddle, or throw them!
Communication is key!
Don’t worry about letting anyone down, they’ll understand.
Be open and honest with extended family members and friends. Explain why you may not be able to do certain things or that Christmas plans may just need to be a bit more flexible. Ultimately, your child’s needs are the priority.
If we’re invited to someone’s event, we find out how many people will be there and what kind of event it is. This way, we can make an informed decision about going or if just some of our family go. It is always on the proviso on how our daughter is on the day and that one of her dads might stay home with her, while the other attends with our son. If people come round to us, we ask that it’s in smaller groups and that they’re mindful of their excitement levels.
My main tip is keep at least one room in the house free of festive decoration!
Follow our journey on Instagram @dadda_n_daddy
Andi Ellis Smith is a full time parent of two, a daughter who is 6 years old and a son who is 3. Since becoming a parent, Andi has become heavily involved in advocating for LGBTQ+ Adoption and SEN. He provides peer support for LGBTQ+ and SEN parents and families through the Instagram page @Dadda_n_Daddy and is passionate about offering support to others going through the adoption process.