Welcome to Spill the Milk, where we ask some of the UK's most famous mums and dads to reveal all about the wonderful world of parenting.
We caught up with DJ and presenter, Ashley James, who is mum to Alfie, aged one, who spills the milk on why she initially never wanted to be a mum and the shocking thing she did as a child...
I never wanted to be a mum
I think up until the point that I found out I was pregnant, I always said that I would never be a mum. But I think that’s the beauty of life, we can say or feel things that are perfectly true and valid and then circumstances and people change. I probably never felt like motherhood was for me because I've always identified as being a career woman, I'm quite an ‘alpha female’. I'd go round friends’ houses who have kids and I was exhausted just witnessing them, so motherhood was never appealing to me. Plus, everything I love doing, like DJing and travelling around the world, didn't seem very baby-friendly. I'm always much more drawn to dogs than babies. But funnily enough, I've never felt more in tune with my own intuition since becoming a mum. Even though I still don't necessarily enjoy a lot of parenthood, which I’ve realised not everybody does, I definitely feel very maternal and I really trust my decisions.
Getting to watch someone experience life for the first time is amazing
I think my favourite part of motherhood, in terms of stages, is ever since Alf turned 12 months. It’s just been getting better and better. I feel like the first six months to 12 months I found relentless and there were really dark periods where I wondered what on earth I'd done, but since he's been a year old, and as he's getting older, it just gets better and better. They try and scare you about the toddler stage, and there are new challenges, but it's amazing.
"Up until the point I was pregnant, I always said I would never be a mum."
Ashley James
I was a really naughty child
I learned very quickly that if I misbehaved it was the best way to get attention. I once cut myself out of all the family photos and when I realised that there were going to be consequences for what I did, I made my sister, who's three years younger than me, take the hit. Funnily enough, she still remembers and is still bitter about it!
Switching off is the most challenging thing
I think a lot of people, including myself before I was a mum, don't realise how relentless being a parent is and people's expectations of you are as if you almost don't have kids. When I had COVID and norovirus I was so ill, but it’s realising that nobody was going to come and take this child away from me, it was still on me to look after him. It's constant. With a job, at least you get your evenings and weekends. Whereas with parenting, even though I’m getting more independence now, and I have some weekends free, it changes you, because you are always 100 per cent responsible for your child, whether you're ill or not.
I’ve come to realise I do really like children
It sounds mad, but I just never related to children. Because I've never really grown up around kids, I always felt a bit uncomfortable around them. Even with my friends kids, I just didn't really know what to do. Now, I really enjoy having more of an understanding of them and the joy that they bring. I’ll find myself going up to people - like one weekend when I was at a wedding - being like, ‘Oh my God, how old are they?’, ‘They're so cute’. I was like, who am I? Who is this person? I never would have done this before.
My parents instilled a strong work ethic in me
They grew up with two jobs and they sacrificed everything to give us the best start in life, so I think they've definitely instilled a very strong work ethic in me and good values. They're very morally sound. They would do anything for anyone, they would definitely give someone their last Rolo!
I can’t live without Kokoso coconut oil
I've used it on Alf’s skin ever since he was little and he's never had a nappy rash, he's never suffered from any dryness, apart from when we ran out and I didn't use it and then his legs got really dry.
Would you rather…
Stand on a piece of Lego barefoot or be pooped on by your baby?
Stand on a piece of Lego.
Never drink wine again or never drink coffee again?
Probably never drink wine again.
Watch Bing on loop for 24 hours or Peppa Pig?
Peppa Pig.
Be able to go to the toilet in peace forever or have undisturbed sleep for a year?
I think coming off the back of sleep deprivation, I would definitely say undisturbed sleep.
Eat five jars of your least favourite baby food or let your toddler eat sweets all day?
Even though it'd be that horrible pear and broccoli one, I'd rather take it for the team than have Alf bouncing off the walls.
Clean glitter out of carpet or felt tip pen off the walls?
Glitter out the carpet all day long. I’m dreading that phase if he paints on my walls.
Ashley James is supporting Maltesers' social media campaign #TheMaternityReturn, which aims to highlight the ups, downs, and challenges new mums face on returning to work after maternity leave.