Spill the Milk with Dr Zoe Williams

Welcome to Spill the Milk, where we ask some of the UK's most famous mums and dads to reveal all about the wonderful world of parenting.

We caught up with GP and TV presenter, Dr Zoe Williams, who opens about experiencing mum guilt, learning how to just ‘let things go’ and how she gave birth without her midwife.

As a kid I was very pretty mischievous and I had this talent for getting away with it as well

When I was three, I managed to get hold of a pair of kitchen scissors. We had these thick, very long, brown curtains in our living room, which were on trend I believe in the early 80s. I’d taken these scissors and cut a shape in the fold of the curtains and I was fascinated by the fact that even though I'd cut a triangle, when I opened the curtain, it made a diamond shape. So, I took the scissors and moved along the curtains cutting all these shapes. As I was only three my mum assumed there's no way I could have done it so my poor brother, who’s three years old than me, got the blame.

My pregnancy plan changed — as I was torn between my ‘doctor brain’ and ‘pregnancy brain’

My doctor brain, as I call it, always thought I was going to opt for an elective C section, because I thought it would give me as much control as possible; I know what's likely to happen and even though the recovery can be difficult, I could still plan for that. But my ‘pregnant brain’ wanted to have a home birth and avoid all medical intervention if it was safe to do so.

Throughout my pregnancy my medical brain became quieter and my pregnant brain got louder, and I felt confident that my body was able to birth the baby without any intervention. So, I planned for home birth. If there was ever any reason why giving birth in hospital may be more suitable, or if I changed my mind at any point, I didn't want to feel that I’d failed, so I was never adamant that it must be a home birth, but I planned for one, because the best way to have it as an option is if you plan for it.

In the end I did have a home birth and the baby came 10 days earlier than planned, so we hadn't prepared or done a practice run with the birthing pool. It was a big regret because we had lots of issues with it. By the time I managed to finally get into the pool I was only in it for seven minutes before I birthed the baby. The midwife also didn't make it in time, so it was just me and a partner, Stuart and, thankfully, we had a doula. She's not a midwife, so she didn't touch me in any way, but she was just there for reassurance. The number of times I looked her in the eye and said, ‘Oh, my god, is this normal?’ and she’d say, ‘absolutely, you just keep doing what you're doing’. Once I got myself into the birth pool and positioned it was very, very quick. I remember I made two comments I said, ‘Oh my God, this baby has loads of hair’ and ‘Oh my god, it can't come now the midwife’s not here’. I put a hand over his head and squeezed my butt cheeks as I was going to try and hold him in until the midwife got there. The only time I let out a scream throughout the whole thing was I got cramped in one of my butt cheeks. Having a doula was just what I needed; someone who'd been there and witnessed it many more times than me, to be able to reassure me that everything was ok.

Since becoming a mum I’ve developed more of a ‘let it go’ type of attitude

I don't let things wind me up as much as they used to, because it’s just not worth it. Little things that used to bother me, like missing a train by one minute, just don’t faze me as much anymore. I think I've got this new perspective, because when you have a baby, you need to accept that those things are going to happen. If you get stressed about them, then you’d be stressed all the time.

Nothing can prepare you for parenthood

Everybody’s experience is different. I think it also teaches you a lot about yourself as well. I've always thought of myself as a very resilient person, I've been through quite a lot in my life and I've managed to thrive despite adversity. So many people have babies and I kind of naively thought I'll probably be able to manage parenthood quite well. Looking back, there have been times that I have managed quite well, but there have also been times where I've thought, ‘Oh my God, I don't know if I can cope with this’, like the extremes of sleep deprivation. Mum guilthas also been a big one for me, having to manage going back to work quite early in Lisbon’s life and leaving him with a nanny one day a week. I didn't prepare for a lot of the psychological stuff that comes with being a parent.

Juggling is what I find most challenging as a parent

Sometimes I start the day and I think ‘Oh my god, this is just not possible’, because the baby needs to look be looked after, I've got this job and the nanny’s sick. One day Lisbon got chickenpox, but I had to go to work and I couldn’t take him to nursery, so I was like what am I going to do? That day he came to work with me and one of the girls in the office watched him whilst I did a podcast recording. So it’s the logistics of the juggle, but more than that is the psychology of the juggle and negotiating your own feelings and emotions around that stress, guilt and anxiety. But then on the other side I sometimes feel like Wonder Woman. You get to the end of the day knackered and think ‘I pulled off this impossible day’. You have a little moment of celebration before you look at the washing pile and dishwasher that’s still not been emptied since yesterday.

Muslin cloths and AVEENO® skincare are the products I can’t live without

We have thousands of muslins, especially because Lisbon was a very vomity baby who had quite severe reflux. Stuart and I would be covered in vomit, our carpets were covered in vomit and we ended up with so many muslins and you can literally use them for so many things, they're amazing. Choosing the right skincare products for Lisbon’s skin has been really important too. I’m a big fan of AVEENO®, it’s something that I've used myself on my skin for a very long time, so I already trusted it. The baby products are great for Lisbon and I love that the oat is the superpower in their products. Oats were our saviour when he had chickenpox because we couldn't get hold of any treatments as they were all sold out at the time, so we’d just take some oats and put them in a sock and soak it in the bath. But AVEENO® is great because the baby products are really soothing and moisturising for their skin. They’ve recently launched their brand new AVEENO® Kids range as well, designed for children aged three plus, and that's great because as children get a little bit older, while baby products are still suitable for their skin, they tend to get a little dirtier and need something a bit stronger. One of the things I love is that even the small bottles are designed for little hands, and they've got these great characters on that tell a story as well. One of the characters is a horse called Romer who's got big curly hair and is very adventurous, which reminds me of me. It's great they've now made this available.

Would you rather…

Stand on a piece of Lego barefoot or be pooped on by your baby?

Be popped on by my baby because it happens and you can just wash it off.

Watch Bing on loop for twenty-four hours or Peppa Pig?

Definitely Bing. I have beef with Peppa Pig, me and her don’t get on. Dr Brown Bear on Peppa Pig gives people very unrealistic expectations of their GP.

Never drink wine again or never drink coffee again?

I can’t choose. I will reduce the amounts of both to more sensible levels.

Clean glitter out of the carpet or felt tip pen off the walls?

Glitter out of the carpet. That sounds more achievable.

Be able to go to the toilet in peace forever or have undisturbed sleep for a year?

Undisturbed sleep for a year? I'd do just about anything for that.

Experience your kid’s temper tantrums in a busy library or an aeroplane?

A busy library, because you can get out of library but can't get out of an aeroplane.

Your partner say ‘I love you every day’, or they never say it, but got up every time your child woke in the night?

Get up every night because that would show me that he loved me.

The new AVEENO® Kids range is now available to purchase in selected retailers, including Sainsbury’s and Boots. *Pricing is at the sole discretion of the individual retailer.