Starting an assisted fertility journey can be a daunting time. There’s so much to navigate, from medical appointments and hormonal changes to the stress and expense of it all. For The Traitors season 3 joint-winner, Welsh contestant Leanne Quigley and her partner Sophie Jones, these challenges were just the first steps in their pursuit of parenthood.
On the IVF journey
Being a mum is something that Leanne had always wanted, so when she met Sophie, it was a conversation they had very early on in their relationship. For NHS-funded IVF in both England and Wales, same-sex female couples must prove six failed intrauterine insemination (IUI or artificial insemination, places sperm into the uterus near ovulation to aid conception) attempts or a diagnosed fertility issue. Knowing they already faced these kind of obstacles, Leanne and Sophie still chose IVF, but decided to go private immediately.
While they had discussed alternatives, they decided they both wanted to be involved, so went down the shared motherhood route. “Sophie had 20 eggs retrieved. She donated 10 to women who can’t produce their own eggs, and I had 10 for me. Only 2 of those eggs made it to blastocyst stage, so we only had two embryos, and they were pretty low grade. I did ask that I would like them both to be implanted, because if we've got very little chance for one of those embryos to work, I’d rather just save the trauma of going through it twice and do them both at the same time.”
The 29-year-old wasn’t even expecting one to work, so they were both surprised to learn they were having twins the first time round. “We went for an early scan because I’m the most impatient person on earth, and when me and Sophie were in there, we saw that there were two sacs, so we were having twins. It was the most surreal feeling. Even though we had two embryos put in, we still didn’t ever think we’d get two babies. We were very lucky and beyond grateful."
While the pregnancy itself was tough on Leanne, it got harder when she went into early labour and delivered the twins at just 26 weeks. Her babies, Harley and Hudson spent months in intensive care, and there were times when the couple didn’t know if the boys were going to make it, but found comfort and support in the hospital team. “There was a charity called Cuddles - a hospital-led charity, and they were just so incredible. They would always take me out for a chat if they could see I was struggling." You can hear the gratitude in Leanne's voice. "When you see nurses and doctors who really care, it makes the biggest difference. It felt as though they loved the twins just as much as I did.”
After an emotional three months, the couple were finally able to bring their babies home. Leanne explains that she's been overwhelmed with messages from other parents who are going through the same thing. On the other hand, now that she’s in the public eye, she also gets messages and comments from those who don’t have very nice things to say. So how does she handle it? “I’m quite strong-minded so comments don’t bother me. I think I’ve got a gorgeous family. I know my kids are going to have the best life with two mums. I don’t care about their opinions; it says more about them than it does about us.”
On motherhood
While the twins are thriving now, Leanne remembers those early stages being a struggle. Sophie was still working but shared the journey with her, as an equal. “I think that’s really important; no matter who is the stay-at-home mum and who is the worker, both need rest because one is bringing up babies, and one is going to work to bring home the bacon.” Now that the twins are a little older, sharing parental responsibility is, shall we say, a little more…light-hearted. “We genuinely play rock paper scissors. Who’s getting up with the crying twins tonight? Rock paper scissors." She laughs.
Despite the challenges of first-time parenthood and premature twins, Leanne's vision of motherhood is as she expected. Talking about her two-year-old twins, she lights up and is finding joy in the everyday moments. "I’ve always wanted to be a mum. I always wanted to be where I am now. They are two years old and saying some words, and we have so much fun with them. They make us belly laugh, and we really enjoy our time together."
For other same-sex couples considering IVF, the Traitors star offers some advice drawing from her own experience. "It's really important to have communication with the team and ask as many questions as you like, write it all down as no question is a stupid question. Do your research and figure out if you want to do shared motherhood - it's all down to personal preference. Try and enjoy the journey. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I wanted it so much and I was so nervous of it not working, that maybe I forgot to enjoy the process."
On the future
Her affection and love for Sophie is evident in the was she speaks about her, often referring to her as a 'protector.' It came as a crushing blow then to learn of Sophie's breast cancer diagnosis, just weeks after she returned from filming the reality show.
Following months of treatment they found out that Sophie was cancer-free in January this year. The good news came five months after Sophie proposed to Leanne last August, just days after her first chemo session. With Sophie now cancer-free, will they finally be able to plan their wedding? "I'm so excited to plan a date – Sophie's hair has started growing back. It's growing back gorgeously so as soon as she's feeling comfortable with her hair growth and her health, we're going to set a date. I'm so excited to get things going."
Leanne has previously spoken about using some of her Traitors prize money to fund another round of IVF which we're delighted they both still want to do. "We actually speak about it all the time. We’re going to have a little family time now, let Sophie recover, and probably start looking into it next year. We'll probably use my eggs this time, which I'm a bit nervous about. Last time Sophie had to go through the injections, she had to go through the egg retrieval, it’s my turn to experience that. We can get the ball rolling with that and hopefully get some embryos ready to start whenever Sophie is."
With everything that the family have gone through, the rollercoaster of ups and downs has deeply impacted Leanne, leaving her with a new appreciation for every moment she gets to spend with her family. For now, any future plans can wait. The couple are looking forward to a family holiday in Portugal, where they can soak up the sun, swim in the sea, and enjoy some much-needed, uninterrupted time together.
If you're a LBGT couple considering the path to parenthood for same-sex couples, you may want to seek advice and support from LGBT mummies. Their mission is to acquire true equity and equality for LGBT+ families to that of our heterosexual counterparts.
About the author
Keya Modessa, is our Senior Digital Writer and brings over a decade of experience from the digital realm to Mother&Baby. As a mother of two, Keya understands the joys and challenges of modern parenthood and uses her own experience, to give practical advice. Keya has worked across national publications including glossy women's mags, Food and Travel, and more recently as digital lead for Muddy Stilettos.