There's a lot of things you learn and prepare yourself for when kids start primary school. Leaving the house early to get a parking space? Check. School uniforms? Check. Remembering the teacher's name? Check. Children's birthday party etiquette? Not so much.
Turns out, planning a children's birthday party - no matter how big or small - is hard work. Get it right and there'll be smiles all round, get it wrong and your child may not let you forget it, but there's also a lot to learn around children's birthday party etiquette. Here's a few things to consider from the host's perspective as well as the guests to save you being snubbed at the school gate.
Things to consider when hosting a children's birthday party
Who should I invite to my child's party?
Who you invite depends on two things; the budget and how many people you can physically accommodate. You'll want to first factor in how many of your family members and friends you are inviting, plus their children. Then, you could either ask the teacher for a full class list or, ask your child who they'd like to invite; be prepared for them to reel off a never-ending list of names in their excitement. If there's too many, cut them down by just inviting the girls/boys depending on whose party you're planning. Just like planning a wedding, you can't always invite everyone.
What information should I include in the invite?
Shop bought invitations or those you buy online follow a basic template, so all you need to do is fill in the blanks with relevant details. Usually this will include the name of the child being invited, the name of whose party it is, the venue, time and date. Keep it simple and remember, to add a phone number and give a date you'd like all RSVPs back.
How far in advance should I send out party invites?
Timing is important. Send invitations out too early and they could get forgotten or lost (guilty!) Send them out too late, and you may find you don't get a good turnout which won't go down well with the guest of honour. We suggest sending invites out 6-8 weeks in advance. If you don't know all the parents yet, most teachers will put invitations into bags (helpful if you're not inviting everyone!). As your child progresses through school and you become more familiar with parents, make life easier by messaging grown ups the invitation directly.
Should I provide party bags?
Party bags have become the norm and don't be surprised to hear your child ask for one before they leave. It's a nice way to say thank you for attending the party and it's important to know how many you need to plan for. For younger children, it's nice to include around 4-5 toys and some hosts like to put a slice of the cake in the bag to tuck into later.
What activities should I organise?
Make sure the activity is suitable for the children you have invited. Soft plays and bouncy castles are great for little ones, while others book entertainers and Djs to keep the kids busy.
What food should I provide?
It's helpful to ask guests in advance if they suffer from any allergies or food intolerances. Most children are happy with food like sandwiches, sausage rolls and crisps. As they get older they'll veer more towards pizza, nuggets and chips but whatever you serve, ensure there's a good selection of food include vegetarian. You shouldn't feel obliged to feed the parents, but it's nice to offer them some refreshments and quite often, they'll pick at food from their child's plate.
Things to consider when attending a children's birthday party
When should I RSVP by?
Usually invitations are sent with an RSVP. Once you know if your child can attend a party, let the host know as party hosts often need final numbers to plan for catering and party bags. Not replying at all, and still turning up, can come across as rude.
Should I bring a gift?
It's common courtesy for children that have been invited to a party, to bring a gift. If you're friendly with the host, you can ask what the birthday boy/girl likes so you can find something appropriate.
Can I bring siblings to a party?
This question will come up more times than you think. Quite often parents ask because they can't find childcare for younger/older siblings. If space is limited or the host is paying per child for a specific experience, it's often hard to accommodate siblings. It's best to check in advance, as there might be an option to pay for siblings separately, for example if it's a party at a soft play centre.
Do I stay with my child at a birthday party?
Generally parents will stay at a birthday party with their child, especially while they're still young. If you’re not sure what to do, ask the hosts. The older they get, usually around 7 - 8 years old, the less likely it is that you'll be expected to stay with them. If you are leaving your child, make a note of the host’s phone number and share yours too. Just don't be too late collecting them at the end.
Birthday party etiquette
When should the cake be cut at a party?
Cake is usually cut after the children have finished eating. Depending on the time, they can eat it at the table or it can be put in the party bag and enjoyed later.
Should presents be opened at the party or after?
Most children open presents after the party has finished. This is because time is limited during a party and this way, it gives them something to do after the excitement of the party has died down.
Keya Modessa, is our Senior Digital Writer and brings over a decade of experience from the digital realm to Mother&Baby. As a mother of two, Keya understands the joys and challenges of modern parenthood and uses her own experience, to give practical advice. Keya has worked across national publications including glossy women's mags, Food and Travel, and more recently Muddy Stilettos.