As a mother of three energetic young boys, I’m no stranger to unsolicited parenting advice. I’ll never forget one trip abroad when a woman casually informed me that children are like animals and I needed to “train” mine better. In that moment, I didn’t have a witty comeback. Instead, I just lowered my head and nodded while my kids gleefully did knee slides up and down the supermarket aisles. That night, I found myself Googling the age-old question: How do I respond when someone criticises my parenting choices?
Regardless of your parenting style, people - be it your inner circle, your mother-in-law, or even a random stranger on the street—will have an opinion about it. For some inexplicable reason, parenting seems to come with a flashing 'Advice Wanted' sign, inviting a steady stream of unsolicited (and often unnecessary) suggestions.
In a world where mums are juggling more societal pressures than ever, those well-meaning but poorly timed words can really sting. You know, the kind that becomes 'the straw that broke the mama’s back'. And let’s face it, figuring out how to respond in the moment is no small feat, especially when you’re already mid-toddler meltdown, trying to keep your cool while wrangling with your own very real, very big emotions.
It’s enough to make you want to channel your inner toddler and throw a tantrum of your own (but sadly, stomping your feet in the supermarket aisle isn’t as socially acceptable for us "grown-ups"). The truth is, navigating these moments takes real skill and maybe a very slow, deep breath (or three).
We've created the ultimate guide to help you tackle the age-old question: How should I respond when someone criticises my parenting choices? These techniques aren’t just theories. I’ve personally tested them (more times than I’d like to admit) to make sure they genuinely help you feel better. Trust me, this is one to bookmark. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and there will be moments when you’ll need a reminder to stay grounded.
'What Sally says about Susie says more about Sally than Susie.'
Firstly, hold your fire, as tempting as it is to shoot from the hip, reacting in the heat of the moment rarely ends well. Instead, take a deep breath, count to three (or thirty), and let yourself cool off before you respond. Pausing gives you a chance to think through your reply instead of letting your emotions take control.
If you're face-to-face and feeling the tension rise, here's a handy trick: excuse yourself to the bathroom. Not only does it buy you time to compose yourself, but it also lets you practice that Oscar-worthy “calm and collected” expression in the mirror.
Now, here’s a little gem I personally live by: 'What Sally says about Susie says more about Sally than Susie.' Translation? Criticism is often a mirror of the critic’s issues, not yours. So, when someone questions your parenting choices, remember: it’s about their perspective, not your skills as a parent. Don’t let someone else’s baggage weigh you down - you’re doing just fine.
Kill them with kindness
As unfortunate as it is, some people seem to thrive on putting others down. Watching you react negatively might give them the satisfaction they’re after. But never forget you’re in control. If you don’t give them the reaction they’re fishing for, they’re far less likely to keep at it. Honestly, you’ve got enough on your plate without adding mental sparring matches with your mother-in-law over how to handle the terrible twos.
Here are a couple of my go-to responses for shutting down unwanted advice with style. They're short, sweet, and the ultimate conversation-stopper.
• “Thanks. I’ll think about it.”
• “I appreciate your concern, but we’re doing what works best for our family.”
Pick your line, deliver it with confidence, and then move on. You’ve got this!
Your baby, your choices
As humans, we’re not meant to do everything the same way - that’s what makes life interesting. What works brilliantly for one family might completely flop for another, and that’s perfectly okay. What’s not okay is someone trying to force their way onto you.
When it happens, stand your ground by politely affirming your choices without diving into unnecessary explanations. You don’t owe anyone a play-by-play of your parenting decisions. Yes, it’s tempting to over-explain, but when you feel the urge creeping in, take a deep breath, remember this article, and try one of these lines instead:
• “We’ve made this choice because it suits our family’s needs.”
• “Every parent does things differently, and that’s okay.”
Simple, confident, and to the point. No overthinking required.
Check your sources
When you're learning to drive, you listen to your driving instructor, not your local butcher. Parenting should be the same. If the person offering advice genuinely cares or has good intentions, it's worth considering what they say. Similarly, if their parenting style is one you admire, their input might be valuable. But if the person giving the advice isn't someone whose approach you respect or their criticism isn't constructive, take it with a pinch of salt.
Lean on your team
Parenting can be a tough journey, with or without criticism. As parents, we often put pressure on ourselves without needing any help from external critics. This is when it's helpful to reach out to your partner, a friend, or visit a local baby group for support. Share your honest feelings so they can validate you and offer encouragement. And if no one else tells you this today, you're doing a great job.
Hannah Carroll is our Senior Digital Writer at Mother&Baby. In her capacity, she curates top-notch listicles, crafts insightful how-to guides, and delivers expert product reviews. As a mother of three, Hannah draws upon her comprehensive understanding of all facets of family life to bring true insight into all the products that make running a home easier.