Parenting while grieving: “I need to talk to you about something sad, sweetheart”

Grief can feel like an overwhelming weight, especially when you're trying to stay strong for your children. Parenting doesn’t stop when life brings unimaginable loss, but in those tender moments, there’s also an opportunity for healing. By grieving together, you can find strength in shared love, create space for emotions, and build resilience to carry you both forward.

"Helping a child navigate grief while managing your own is a delicate, sensitive, and demanding balance," says Educational Psychologist Dr Patricia Britto. "As a parent, you want to support your child without neglecting your emotional needs."

Grief isn’t linear, and there’s no "right" way to experience it. "Some days, you might feel strong and capable, while others feel overwhelming. That’s okay," Dr Patricia adds. "Grieving together can help you grow closer, support one another, and build resilience. And always remember: asking for help is a strength, not a weakness."Here, we spoke to psychologists on how to parent while grieving, and what to say and what not to say to the grieving parent. We've also spoken with real-life mums who’ve had to navigate this path themselves.

Psychologists weigh in on parenting while grieving

Richard Reid and Dr Patricia Britto share practical advice for navigating grief as a parent:

Two mums on parenting while grieving

Adejumoke Ilori on losing her mother

"When my mum passed away, telling my daughter was incredibly hard. My mum meant everything to her, and breaking the news was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. I took time to gather myself and sat down with her, saying, 'I need to talk to you about something sad, sweetheart. Nana has passed away, which means her body stopped working, and she won't be able to be with us anymore.'

"She wrapped her arms around me, asking, "Mummy, are you okay?" I explained that while Nana was no longer with us, she would always be with her in spirit, like an angel. I kept my answers short and age-appropriate, giving her space to ask questions, while maintaining her daily routines for security.

"I let my daughter see me cry to show her that it’s okay to feel emotions. We remember my mum daily by sharing happy memories and looking at photos. Returning to work helped me, as writing became an outlet for my grief. I reassured my daughter it’s always okay to talk about Nana. Instead of asking, ‘Are you sad?’, I use softer questions like, ‘How are you feeling today?’

"On the day of the funeral, my daughter chose to wear a hoodie that said ‘Hopes and Dreams.’ When I asked why, she said, ‘I want Nana to be happy,’ which brought me to tears."

Samantha Ball on losing her brother

"When my brother died suddenly, I went into survival mode, trying to support my parents and sister-in-law while keeping things as normal as possible for my five-year-old and one-year-old. It was Christmas, and I didn’t want to let the kids down. Showing up for my son’s concert two days after my brother passed was tough, but seeing his smile reminded me I had to keep going for him and his sister. I stuck to our routine, breaking down only when they were asleep.

"I explained to my son that it’s okay to cry when we think about Uncle KJ and that we can feel both happy and sad when remembering him. We listened to his favourite songs together, and I believe showing my son that it’s okay to be sad helped him understand and empathise with others. We encouraged letter writing and shared simple beliefs about what happens after death, letting him decide what he wanted to believe. He liked the idea that the stars in the sky are our loved ones watching over us, and that Uncle KJ would be driving our scrapped car around heaven with the Queen."

How to talk to your child about grief

Talking about death with children can feel like walking a tightrope, but Dr Patricia suggests several ways to help them understand and process their feelings without overwhelming them. First, use simple, direct language and avoid complex explanations; for example, say, “Grandma died, which means we won’t see her anymore, but we can remember her.” Additionally, encourage expression through art, play, or storytelling, as these methods provide children with safe and accessible ways to convey their emotions.

Recognising how grief is affecting your parenting

Grief doesn’t just affect you emotionally—it can also change how you parent. Here are a few ways to recognise when grief might be affecting your role as a parent:

What to say and what not to say to the grieving parent

Richard shares guidelines on what to say and what not to say to a grieving parent:

What to say:

What not to say:

Being supportive and empathetic, understanding the depth of their pain, can make a significant difference during such a difficult time.

Help is available

Several hotlines and organisations offer support for grief and bereavement in the UK:

You can also talk to your GP or a healthcare professional for additional support.

Grieving while parenting is an incredibly difficult journey. "It’s a delicate balance," says Dr. Patricia but by sharing your feelings, maintaining routines, and finding moments of joy, it’s possible to support your children—and yourself—through the process. Always remember: it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to go through it alone.

About the experts

Dr. Patricia Britto is an Educational Psychologist, mother, and the founder of Mode Educational Psychology. With an unstoppable zest for life and a deep commitment to children and young people, she’s passionate about helping them thrive.

Richard Reid is a leading coaching and psychological consultant in the UK with over two decades of experience. He has established himself as a psychology expert, coach, media spokesperson, keynote speaker, and author.

About the author

Anne Lora Scagliusi is a Senior Digital Writer at Mother & Baby. She is a Scotland-based journalist with over a decade of international writing experience, specialising in women’s health, maternal mental health, and wellness. Her work has been featured in Vanity Fair, Marie Claire, and Glamour and has appeared on several Vogue global editions. She is mum to a one-year-old bambino and lives between Italy and the UK. You can follow her on Instagram.