Spend some time on Mother&Baby and you'll see that there's no 'one size fits all' when it comes to motherhood and parenting. From LGBT+ couples to single parents, no two parenting journeys will ever look the same and parents who come to this journey through adoption and fostering have equally varied stories.
January 15th 2025 marks Big Adoption Day so we're taking a look at just a few of the many stories that make up the wonderful patchwork of adopted children and their families. As Dr Carol Homden, CEO of Coram, says, “Big Adoption Day gives us an important opportunity to come together across the sector with the shared purpose of finding more loving families for the growing numbers of children waiting. We celebrate all the amazing families who have embraced the life-changing and rewarding journey of adoption."
From single adopter, Anne, to Angela and Sulabh who met their son through an Adoption Activity Day, people come to adoption through many routes. These are just a few of those stories.
Anne’s story
Anne is a single woman of black Caribbean descent who adopted her two daughters through Coram (all names have been changed)
Anne says she had always wanted to adopt, and her network of family and friends are proud and supportive of her decision. As a former primary school teacher, Anne’s background and experience had reinforced her desire to adopt, as she recalls: “I remember just always having a heart for those children who kind of didn't fit into the mainstream in different ways. Being around children who were maybe looked-after, or they were known to social care, it really made me think this was something I wanted to do.”
She continues: “I knew it was going to be really tough to adopt as a single parent. But I had faith that this was the right thing for me to do.”
Anne remembers having some initial worries as the adoption process with Coram got underway: “I wondered what questions the social worker would ask... Thinking ‘are they trying to catch me out?’ I worried about not being able to articulate myself, then my mum reminded me they need to know my story so they can decide which child I can be matched with.”
Anne continues: “Once the assessment started there was nothing to worry about. Although thorough, I had space to reflect on what I could bring to an adopted child.”
Anne was then approved as a prospective adoptive parent and months later, her daughter Rachel, then aged one, joined the family. The following year, Anne adopted Emily, Rachel’s younger sister who also needed a permanent loving home.
Anne says: “Adopting children who are birth siblings I think is really important for their life story and having that connection. So I'm so glad that I was able to say yes to adopting Emily.”
Anne also says that support from her friends, family, Coram and the wider community has been invaluable: “We go for walks and play sessions with other parents and carers where we chat together. My support network is incredible, I can turn to my life-long friends as well as other adopters. I value the importance of self-care and look after myself when the children are asleep or mum is here.”
Since adopting, Anne says her life has been “a whirlwind but amazing”. She says: “I have to plan everything, down to having a shower! Rachel can have an unsettled night but wakes in the morning with a lovely smile. I am getting used to taking care of someone else’s needs, we are having new experiences and getting to know each other.”
Black African and Caribbean heritage children often wait longer for an adoptive family and more African and Caribbean families are needed to come forward to adopt. Reflecting on her experience, Anne says: “I have come across people who would like to adopt but are fearful of what social workers will ask, especially if their childhood or teenage years were difficult. From my experience of the assessment and meeting other adopters, people’s backgrounds do not necessarily prevent them from becoming adoptive parents, it is just they will need to talk about it. Social workers are professional and deal with difficulties with respect.”
Anne says life is very busy with the girls enjoying lots of activities including swimming lessons, trips to the zoo and aquarium, and ballet. She concludes: “It’s really full on but lots of fun. Honesty I wouldn’t change anything. I’m blessed.”
Erin and Rob's story
Erin and Rob adopted a little girl, Lauren (all names have been changed).
When Erin and Rob first started exploring adoption, the couple found that speaking to lots of different people with a connection to adoption really helped, as Rob explains:
“We spoke to people who had been adopted and found out what impact it had had on them, they had such positive life experiences, told us how important it was, how much they loved their parents which was lovely to hear. We also heard from an adoptive mum in our training on how she had navigated challenging situations. Explaining how she considered them to be her children - without any question - was a powerful thing to hear.”
Lauren was 14 months old when Erin and Rob saw her profile and decided to progress. Erin recalls: “The call was late on a Friday and we received the profile first thing Monday. By 11am, Rob and I had read every word of the profile and both said yes let’s go for it! We immediately called our social worker and said we were keen to progress as soon as possible. We felt a real connection to Lauren in her profile.”
There was a question about Lauren's developmental health and what it might mean for her outcomes. Erin and Rob discussed it and felt they would be able to cope with this uncertainty. Erin says: “At that point we realised we loved her. All we wanted to do is to support her to be able to live a happy and independent life.” Rob adds: “We also spoke to someone at that time who works with adults with learning disabilities who was so wonderful about the joy that it brings.”
The match progressed and Erin remembers the chemistry meeting where they met Lauren at the park with her foster carer and social worker: “Lauren was playing on the swings and put her arms out for Rob to pick her up, it was such an emotional moment, I don’t know how we all held it together! It went from there very naturally. The foster carer was incredibly open, we felt so comfortable in her house. We had two weeks of introductions and the foster carer made sure we were leading everything, she was really wonderful.”
Weeks later, Lauren came to live with Erin and Rob. Rob says: “Once we took her home, you are aware you are still being watched and you’re not legally parents until the court order goes through. That was quite hard. You can’t really get normality at that time, you have to embrace the tough moments. Our social worker was really reassuring and there to support us.”
Erin says: “We really feel that through all the training and parenting programmes we’ve done, how did parents who didn’t adopt know what they were doing? We got quite aligned on how we wanted to parent Lauren which has been quite incredible.” They describe the network of parent friends made through adoption training is like their NCT equivalent.
The formal adoption order was granted six months after Lauren first came to live with Erin and Rob. The couple say, “we cried our eyes out that day”, relieved that they would now officially be Lauren’s mum and dad.
Lauren is doing really well in the family. Erin says: “She’s a lovely little girl, a really kind soul, you can see that. We make quite a lot of effort to have lots of difference in the people Lauren is exposed to, including other adoptive families. We show that there is no ‘normal’, everyone has had a challenge.”
Rob concludes: “There will always be potential challenges that are unique to adoption. But we’ve gone from strength to strength as people and a couple. Every phase has some really hard emotions and also different wonderful emotions. We don’t feel that’s any different to being a parent in general. We’re really proud of her – and us to be honest!”
Angela and Sulabh’s story
Angela and Sulabh adopted their little boy Leonardo (aged almost seven at the time) after meeting at a Coram Adoption Activity Day.
Adoption Activity Days are events hosted by Coram across the country which enable children who are waiting for an adoptive family to meet and interact with approved adopters in a safe, supported and fun environment to see if they establish a connection. They are an important way for children who have been waiting longer to be adopted to find a permanent family - including older children, children with additional needs and sibling groups - and enable adoptive parents to engage with a child beyond reading their written profile. To date, Adoption Activity Days have matched over 1,400 children with their adoptive parents.
Angela and Sulabh met their son, Leonardo on one of these days and recall meeting him as a powerful moment. “We went to a 'fun day' as Leonardo calls, it in 2019” says Angela. “We were lucky enough to meet Leonardo and we fell in love with him with a force that was unexpected.”
“Leonardo is very good at football,” remembers Sulabh, “and he was practicing his shots and I joined in. It really was an instant connection...”
At the end of the activity day, Angela and Sulabh expressed their interest and things happened very quickly.
“It’s the second time I’ve fallen in love in my life,” says Angela. “First with Sulabh and now with Leonardo. As soon as I met him it was love at first sight. I didn’t expect it to be that way but that’s definitely how it happened. He chose us and we’ve been happy as a triangle family ever since. We're forever grateful to Coram for providing us with the platform of the activity day where we met Leonardo.”
Adoption: is it for you?
As these real life adoption stories show, adoptive families come from many walks of life and adoption experiences in the UK are varied. There are currently 2,600 children in England waiting to be matched with adoptive parents, including 1,230 who have been waiting more than 18 months since entering care and this number is increasing. If reading these adoption stories has made you question if you could be adopters, contact Coram to find out more.
Rebecca Lancaster is a Digital Writer for Mother&Baby, drawing on ten years of parenting her two children to help others navigating their own parenting journey. As a freelance writer, she spent ten years working with leading lifestyle brands, from travel companies to food and drink start-ups, and writing everything from hotel reviews to guides to the best British cheeses. She’s particularly interested in travel and introducing her children to the excitement of visiting new places, trying different foods (less successfully) and experiencing different cultures.