Three in the bed(room): how to handle having your baby in your room

new parents with their newborn

by Anne Lora Scagliusi |
Updated on

When you welcome your newborn into your home, you simply don’t want to leave their side. They crave the warmth and security of your embrace, making cluster feedings and contact naps a natural part of your daily routine. While this bond between parent and baby is so precious, especially considering how quickly they grow, having three in the bed(room) can also bring its challenges, particularly when it comes to sleep and maintaining your relationship as partners.

For many new parents, having their baby sleep in the same room initially is a comforting choice. In fact, nine in 10 co-sleep with their baby, according to the British Association of Perinatal Medicine. It means those precious nighttime cuddles and immediate reassurance when they stir are right at hand. Yet, ensuring everyone gets the rest they need can be a juggling act. From dealing with nighttime feeds to soothing cries, the first few months are a learning curve for new parents.

But in all these challenges, how can parents still create intimacy? Maintaining a strong connection and finding moments of closeness amidst exhaustion can become rare.

You're not alone in wondering how sharing a room with your baby affects your relationship. Mother&Baby consulted experts to help you navigate these challenges, optimise co-sleeping practices, and smoothly transition your baby to their own room, giving you back that precious bed space for just the two of you.

Can having a baby in the same bedroom impact the parents’ relationship?

Did you knowfeeling disconnected from your partner after having a baby is normal? If this is how you feel, it’s perfectly normal. Research shows a staggering 92% increase in couple conflict during the first year of parenthood. Sleep deprivation and parental burnout often play a role.

According to Rosey Davidson, sleep consultant for babies and toddlers, and founder of Just Chill Baby Sleep, “Sharing a room with the baby may diminish privacy and intimacy between parents. Disrupted sleep and increased stress can strain the relationship.”

However, Rosey says, “Setting aside regular couple time outside of bedtime, openly discussing needs, and sharing caregiving responsibilities can prevent burnout."

Marie Louise, AKA The Modern Midwife and CuboAi ambassador says, “Intimacy will take many new forms over the time of your relationship and your definition of intimacy will evolve and change alongside your postnatal journey. Sharing a bedroom with your baby will mean that privacy feels a little different now. The first step to connection is redefining together what your needs are post birth.

A loving connection goes beyond sexual activity in the bedroom. It can be a beautiful time of exploring new ways of fostering closeness. This could be a cup of tea together when you wake up in the morning, a cuddle on the sofa, a quiet walk together, maybe some self-care together to promote relaxation.”

Practical tips for maintaining intimacy

Rediscovering closeness takes new forms—whether stealing a quiet moment during a midnight feed or sharing nighttime duties to allow each other much-needed rest can be another way of intimacy.

Prioritise couple time

Set aside regular time to be together as a couple, away from bedtime. Consider establishing a weekly date night, where you can unwind and reconnect without the distractions of parenting duties. Even a daily check-in chat or sharing a hobby together can strengthen your bond amidst the constant demands of caring for a newborn. During the first few months, when sleep and routines are still adjusting, sometimes just a simple evening wind-down routine—like a tight hug and sharing a laugh—can be enough to remind each other you’re in this together.

Communicate openly

Discuss your needs and feelings with each other. Make it a habit to have honest conversations about how you’re coping and what you need from each other.

Share responsibilities

Sharing caregiving responsibilities helps prevent burnout. Create a schedule that allows both partners to get adequate rest and have time for themselves.

Find new ways to connect

Explore new forms of intimacy and connection, such as cuddling on the sofa, taking walks together, or practising self-care routines that promote relaxation.

How long should you share a room with your baby?

This question doesn’t have an easy answer. Most paediatric experts currently recommend room sharing during the first 6 months of life. Researchers are split, however, when it comes to room sharing after six months of age.

The leading paediatric healthcare experts at the AAP recently updated their safe sleep guidance. They continue to recommend that parentsshare a room with their baby for at least the first six months, preferably a year, because it is associated with lower rates of SIDS.

A 2017 study noted, however, that recommendations to room share beyond six months weren’t evidence-based for the prevention of SIDS, “given that 90% of these tragedies occur before the age of six months.” The study found that room sharing at ages four and nine months is associated with “less nighttime sleep, shorter sleep stretches, and unsafe sleep practices previously associated with sleep-related death.”

“Sharing a bedroom with your baby is recommended for a minimum of six months but for some families, it goes way beyond this meaning it can be even more helpful to find other ways or places to be intimate - outside the bedroom! For other families, they like getting their space back in the bedroom and make a decision to put the baby in a separate room for sleeping, these choices are all personal and individual. There’s no right or wrong, follow what is best for your family,” says Marie.

Can room-sharing create dependency for the baby?

Sharing a room with your baby can sometimes lead to them depending on your presence for comfort during sleep. Babies naturally seek closeness and security, especially in their early months. This closeness may mean they expect you to be there whenever they wake at night.

However, it's essential to find a balance between nurturing this bond and gradually encouraging more independent sleep habits.

Experts suggest gentle sleep training methods tailored to your family's needs.

"These methods, like encouraging self-settling and establishing consistent bedtime routines, can help babies develop healthier sleep patterns over time. This approach supports them in learning to soothe themselves and feel secure even when they're not right next to you."

There are various gentle sleep training methods available, tailored to individual family dynamics. “Encouraging self-settling and establishing consistent routines can promote more settled sleep patterns,” advises Rosey.

Expert-approved tips on how parents maintain sleep quality while having baby in the same bedroom

Maintaining sleep quality while sharing a room with your baby can be challenging, but with a few thoughtful strategies and avoiding common pitfalls, you can ensure everyone gets the rest they need. Rosey shares some top tips so you can snooze soundly.

Use white noise

White noise can be a lifesaver when room sharing. It helps mask household noises and prevents you and your baby from disturbing each other.

Take turns for night duties

Share night duties with your partner for feeds, nappy changes, or soothing your baby. This allows both of you to optimise your sleep windows and get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep, even if your baby wakes up frequently.

Keep essentials handy

Have everything you need within reach to minimise disruptions during the night. This includes diapers, wipes, bottles, and a comfortable chair for feeding.

Opt for sleep-friendly lighting

Use lowlights or ‘sleep-friendly’ coloured lights (amber, orange, red, or pink) during night feeds and changes. These colours are less likely to disrupt sleep compared to blue and white light.

Differentiate night and day

Keep nighttime interactions quiet and boring, and make daytime bright and noisy. This helps your baby learn the difference between night and day.

Establish a routine

Consistency helps your baby understand when it’s time to sleep.

When is the best time to transition your baby from your bedroom to the nursery?

Experts recommend room-sharing with our babies for the first six months of their life, or even longer if it feels right for your family. When you're ready to make the move to their own room, there are several strategies to consider. You can opt for a quick or gradual transition, depending on your baby's temperament. For easy going babies, you may not notice much difference at all! However, more sensitive babies might benefit from a slower transition with added support and reassurance at bedtime.

Rosey recommends, “Start by having your baby nap in their own room before moving to nighttime sleep there. Stick to your usual bedtime routine to provide security and consistency. You might begin by placing their crib in the new room in the same spot where the cot will eventually go, to help them acclimate to the space. Later, swap it out for the larger cot when they're ready.

Introducing a comfort object, like a small blanket or stuffed animal, can offer reassurance and familiarity (remember to remove these once your baby is asleep until they're 12 months old). Spend time playing in the baby's new room during the day to help them become comfortable with the environment.

Some parents set up a single mattress on the floor next to the cot if space allows, helping the baby adjust to sleeping in their new room. You can also try sitting on a chair next to the cot and gradually moving it further away each night, comforting your baby during the transition.”

What products are recommended for parents planning to have their baby sleep in their own room?

When preparing for your baby to sleep in your room, safety is paramount. Investing in a smart baby monitor designed with safety features can be invaluable. These monitors allow you to receive updates about your baby's well-being without disturbing their sleep.

Research shows that babies who begin sleeping independently in their own room early on tend to sleep longer and have longer stretches of sleep. However, ensuring a secure sleep environment should always be the priority.

“The CuboAi smart monitor, for instance, offers advanced safety features like breathing motion detection and Danger Zone Detection. It also includes True Cry technology, which distinguishes between different types of cries. Additionally, it provides a variety of soothing sounds such as birdsong and rainfall, along with a gentle night light that helps create a calming atmosphere. These features not only enhance monitoring but also help manage parental anxiety by offering insights into nighttime routines. Once your baby transitions to their own room, these tools provide peace of mind while allowing you to tend to other tasks knowing they are safe and sound,” Marie says.

If you are thinking of investing a smart baby monitor, you might want to check our Cubo Ai Plus Smart Baby Monitor review

Embrace the precious moments of having your baby in the room, cling to it, and treasure the bond. Whether it's the late-night cuddles or the convenience of quick comforting, these are fleeting moments to cherish. Yet, if you find yourself struggling with the challenges of room sharing, remember it's temporary. When the time is right, and both you and your baby are ready, transitioning to their own space can bring new opportunities for independence and growth. Trust your instincts, prioritise safety, and savour each stage of this journey.

About the expert

Rosey Davidson is founder and CEO of Just Chill Baby sleep, an infant sleep consultancy focused on providing straight forward, no-nonsense sleep advice to parents. As a successful businesswoman and content creator with a large social media following (@just_chill_mama), Rosey gives an insight into her work as a sleep consultant, entrepreneur, and busy parent to her three young children, based in London.

Marie Louise, AKA The Modern Midwife is a pregnancy and babies’ educator – educational courses expert, consultant for mums and brands. She delivers complex and scientific information to mums and healthcare professionals in an easy and relatable way. A trusted point of contact for a community of mums looking for answers and credible information about pregnancy and women’s health. Marie has over 90k followers on Instagram alone.

Anne Lora Scagliusi is a Senior Digital Writer at Mother & Baby. She is a Scotland-based journalist with over a decade of international writing experience, specialising in women’s health, maternal mental health, and wellness. Her work has been featured in Vanity Fair, Marie Claire, and Glamour and has appeared on several Vogue global editions.She is mum to a one-year-old bambino and lives between Italy and the UK. You can follow her on Instagram.

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