Discovering that you're pregnant is a life-changing experience full of many emotions – but for couples that have experienced previous baby loss, discovering they are expecting a 'rainbow baby' can come with conflicting emotions. Understandably, pregnancy after miscarriage comes hand-in-hand with fear and anxiety, as well as the usual joy and excitement of expecting a new baby.
With Rainbow Baby Day being celebrated on 22 August, we share the meaning and symbolism behind it, as well as how different people feel about the term 'rainbow baby', and information on advice and support for those who are grieving.
Rainbow baby meaning
It's likely you've heard the term before as it has gained popularity on social media and pregnancy websites, but if you're unsure of the meaning, a rainbow baby is a pregnancy or child born following the sad loss of a previous baby.
There are many ways to lose a baby before birth, including:
• miscarriage
• ectopic pregnancy
• molar pregnancy
• termination for medical reasons
• stillbirth
• neonatal death
Becoming pregnant again soon after the loss of a previous baby can bring up some mixed feelings, and the term 'rainbow baby' doesn't sit well with everyone who has experienced or is experiencing this. However, for others the symbolism can inspire hope and positivity.
Dr. Kern-Goldberger (via CLeveland Clinic) says: "Not everyone wants to see their living child as a ‘rainbow,’ or the child they lost as a ‘storm’". He goes on to eplain that some parents don't want to define a new child based on the loss of the previous one either, but that there's no right answer for everyone.
It's important to be true to yourself and how you feel, so if you don't feel like this is a term that you resonate with or that is helpful, don't feel pressured to use it.
Why do they call it a rainbow baby?
This rather lovely symbolic expression comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing following a storm, bringing light after darkness. In recent years, the term has grown in popularity and become a symbol of hope. A rainbow baby can often provide a helping hand in supporting those who have gone through loss towards healing.
Some parents find the term 'rainbow baby' difficult they may feel that it over-simplifies the reality of the situation. At the end of the day, being gifted with a new child doesn't take away the pain of losing the previous one. Adopting a hopeful way of describing the new pregnancy could be seen to undermine the grief that parents will feel about their loss. But it really depends on the individuals.
Other parents find the symbol of hope and light to be an essential part of their grieving process, helping them to move through it in a way that is healing and restorative, and enabling them to celebrate a new life despite the grief they are experiencing from such a recent and tragic loss.
What is a sunshine baby vs rainbow baby?
According to Healthline: "A sunshine baby is the child you have before a loss." This is different to a rainbow baby that refers to the child you have after the loss of a baby.
An example of a sunshine baby would be if you already have a child, but then you experience a miscarriage, the older child who is still alive would be the sunshine baby. But if you had a new baby shortly after the miscarriage, they would be the rainbow baby.
Another way of thinking about this is to understand the symbolism - a sunshine baby refers to the calm before the storm, whereas a rainbow baby is the hope and light that comes after the storm.
What is a double rainbow baby?
If you have two miscarriages in a row, the baby that is born and survives after these tragedies is referred to as a double rainbow baby.
What is National Rainbow Baby Day?
National Rainbow Day was founded by Alexis Delchiaro and What The Fertility. According to Pregnancy After Loss Support: "Alexis and her husband struggled for years with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. They welcomed their son, Grant, via adoption, and their daughter, Gianna, a few months later."
The day comes around each year and it is an opportunity to stop and think about all the rainbow babies in the world, and also take a moment to honour their siblings who sadly passed away before them. But more importantly it is a compassionate day to honour the parents who have had to go through the trauma of losing a child.
Grieving the loss of a baby
Grief is such a complicated process, and it is different for everyone. It's really important to take the time you need to grieve for your loss, so that you can process the pain of what has happened. It can seem impossible to grieve for the loss of a child if you are pregnant again or have given birth to another baby - but it's okay to mourn for your loss and look forward to your rainbow baby without feeling guilt.
There are different ways to help you through the grieving process. For example, you can talk to other parents who have already been through something similar by joining a grief group. If this feels too much, simply talk with your partner who is going through the same thing as you. Sharing how you're feeling and supporting each other in this intimate way will remind you that you're not alone, which can bring some comfort to you both.
Another way to help you grieve is to create memories of your baby. Just because you didn't get to spend a lifetime watching them grow up or experience things together as a family, it doesn't mean you can't still have memories to cherish. Some couples like to plant a tree or fill a box with items that remind them of their journey through pregnancy; like scan pictures, baby clothes that were bought and soft toys. You could even write a letter to your baby to let them know how much you were looking forward to bringing them into the world and how special they are.
Bringing a new baby into the world after such a heartbreaking experience can be incredibly challenging for parents, with many struggling with the conflicting emotions of grief while also being excited about their new arrival. These mixed feelings can be confusing but are very normal.
How to get support
A lot of parents who have experienced loss are more likely to have postnatal depression. Going through a pregnancy after losing a baby can also create a lot of anxiety. If you or your loved one are struggling, it can be beneficial to talk to someone who can offer guidance. Here’s how to get help when you need it.
Proud aunt to her teen niece, Zara Mohammed is a Digital Writer for Mother&Baby. She has 10 years freelance writing experience creating lifestyle content for various platforms, including pregnancy, women’s health, parenting, child development and child mental health, plus lots of fun seasonal family articles and celebrity news.