I felt like a pressure cooker ready to explode: What I wish I’d known about postpartum rage

If you’ve found yourself snapping over the smallest things, feeling intense waves of anger, or experiencing sudden outbursts of frustration that leave you feeling guilty afterward, you're not alone. You may be experiencing postpartum rage, also known as mum rage or postnatal anger.

I didn’t know it existed until I was deep in it, Googling “Do I have postpartum rage?” after yet another meltdown that left me feeling ashamed. I had just given birth, was feeding around the clock, and somehow was expected to stay calm and collected. Instead, I felt like a pressure cooker about to explode.

If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. Postpartum rage is real, and it’s not your fault. You’re not a bad mum, and you’re not alone. But if left unchecked, postpartum rage can negatively impact your mental health, relationships, and overall wellbeing.

We spoke to Dr. Neerja Chowdhary, a psychiatrist and spokesperson from the World Health Organization, and Anna Mathur, a leading psychotherapist and Sunday Times bestselling author, to help you understand what’s happening and how to manage it.

What is postpartum rage?

Postpartum rage can look different for everyone. Maybe you feel resentful toward your partner, and become easily irritated by minor things. Some mums feel like they’re on edge 24/7, while others experience sudden, explosive outbursts, only to be left drowning in guilt afterward.

And here’s something many people don’t realise: A 2018 study found that postpartum rage can coexist with postpartum depression, bringing attention to an important part of maternal mental health that is often ignored.

While postpartum rage isn’t an official diagnosis, it’s a very real and very common experience for mums after birth.

Many mums experiencing postpartum rage toward their husband or partner often feel misunderstood and unseen. One minute, you're holding it together; the next, you're yelling over a misplaced bottle or a messy kitchen. This can lead to feelings of disconnection from your partnerafter having a baby, and by the way, it's more common than you think.

Research shows a staggering 92% increase in couple conflict during the first year of having a baby, with up to 67% of couples reporting a decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years postpartum.

But here's the key: Postpartum rage isn’t just “losing your temper.” It’s your body signaling that something is out of balance.

Are hormones to blame?

Hormones play a role, but they aren’t the only cause of postpartum rage.

“While hormones can amplify emotions, they don’t create the underlying frustration, exhaustion, isolation, and feeling of being undervalued,” explains Anna.

Unlike postpartum sadness, anger in motherhood feels taboo. Society paints mums as endlessly patient and nurturing, so when rage surfaces, many women feel ashamed. In fact, a 2023 study published in Sex Roles found that expectations placed on mothers, especially around how they should express emotions are directly linked to these outbursts.

Signs of postpartum rage

Wondering if what you're feeling is postnatal anger? Here are some common signs of postpartum rage:

If these symptoms last for more than two weeks, or if you’re also experiencing low mood, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts, it might be worth speaking to a healthcare professional about postpartum rage treatment options.

Common triggers of postpartum rage

1. Sleep deprivation and exhaustion

Chronic lack of sleep makes emotional regulation nearly impossible. It’s no surprise that mums waking up multiple times a night often experience postpartum rage, even a year later, the exhaustion can linger well beyond the newborn stage.

2. The mental load of motherhood

The never-ending to-do list, constant planning, and pressure to "do it all" contribute to the overwhelming maternal mental load, which can easily lead to feelings of anger and frustration. Recent research by the University of Bath found that mothers bear the brunt of the 'mental load,' managing 7 in 10 household tasks.

3. Lack of support

Feeling like you have to do everything alone can lead to resentment and frustration, especially toward a partner who doesn’t seem to be carrying the same weight.

4. Feeling trapped or overstimulated

Some mums feel overwhelmed by constant noise, touch, and demands, leading to sensory overload and emotional outbursts.

5. Loss of self-identity

Motherhood shifts priorities, and many mums often feel disconnected from the person they were before. As bodies change, hobbies, careers, and social lives take a backseat, leaving little space for personal fulfilment, building frustration.

6. Lack of personal time

With constant feeding, nappy changes, and never-ending tasks, mums rarely get a break. Even free moments are often spent catching up on chores, not relaxing. The exhaustion of always being “on” can make small challenges feel overwhelming, leading to unexpected outbursts.

How long does postpartum rage last?

Postpartum rage doesn’t have a set timeline. Some mums feel it for a few weeks, while for others, it creeps up months or even a year later as exhaustion and stress pile up. Research shows it can last up to two years and affect mums from all walks of life, no matter their background or support system. The good news? With the right support and coping strategies, it does get better.

How can partners, family and community help?

Supporting a mum dealing with postpartum rage starts with understanding, patience, and practical help. Dr. Neerja emphasises, "Supportive relationships with partners, family members, and friends can help women manage or prevent stress." Simple gestures like offering to watch the baby, helping with household tasks, or just being a listening ear can make a huge difference.

Beyond emotional support, policies that prioritise maternal well-being play a crucial role. "Beyond access to quality postnatal care, policies such as paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and social support are vital in fostering an environment where both parents and children thrive," Dr. Neerja explains. This highlights the need for workplaces and communities to step up in supporting new mums.

For working mums, open communication is key. Speaking to HR or your line manager about challenges can help create a more supportive work environment. No mum should have to navigate postpartum struggles alone, seeking help and leaning on support systems can make all the difference.

How to cope with postpartum rage: A mum's guide to finding calm

1. Find stress management techniques that work for you

We all have our own ways of coping, and it’s important to find what helps you manage stress. Dr. Neerja recommends simple stress management exercises to regulate emotions. Whether it’s listening to calming music, trying out the Calm app for some guided relaxation, or writing down your deepest thoughts in a guided journal, find something that works for you and use it when the emotions are building up.

2. Breathe your way to peace

When things feel overwhelming, take a deep breath. Anna suggests: “Breathe differently — a long exhale or humming out loud can soothe your nervous system.” Simple breathing exercises, paired with a diffuser like the Neal’s Yard Chi Aroma Diffuser, can do wonders for relaxation. Add a few drops of their Lavender Essential Oil or De-Stress Blend for an instant calming effect. I always have my diffuser running when I need a moment of peace, it truly helps!

3. Ground yourself in the moment

"Focus on what you see, hear, or touch to break the emotional spiral," says Anna. This grounding technique helps you reconnect with the present and shift your attention away from your frustration. It’s a simple, quick way to pull yourself out of an emotional spiral.

4. Shake it off

"Shake out your hands, stomp your feet, or stretch to release tension," Anna suggests. Sometimes, the best way to calm yourself is through movement. A few stretches or even stomping your feet can help release the built-up stress and reset your energy.

5. Take a quick break

"Step away if possible – Even a short break can help reset your brain," advises Anna. Sometimes, all you need is a few minutes to yourself. Whether it’s taking a walk or stepping into another room for a breather, those little moments can make all the difference.

6. Create your own zen

We all need a peaceful space to recharge. Try creating a calming sanctuary at home, wrap yourself in a cosy weighted blanket or light a candle with soothing scents like lavender or frankincense. This L'Occitane lavender candle is my go-to for a relaxing atmosphere. Decluttering can also make a huge difference, consider using nursery-friendly baskets like Cuddle Co.’s, perfect for tucking away toys and keeping your space visually calm.

7. Nourish your body, nourish your mind

Processed foods and sugar give a temporary happiness boost but affect your mood long-term. Eating balanced meals, rich in omega-3s, vitamin D, and magnesium, can improve your emotional health. Keep healthy snacks like almonds, berries, and dark chocolate nearby to maintain energy and avoid mood dips.

8. Connect with other mums

Sometimes the best thing you can do is talk to someone who understands. As Anna says, “Go out and meet mum friends – You are not alone.” Social apps to meet new mum friends like Peanut or Bumply are perfect for connecting with local mums, sharing experiences, and creating a community of support.

9. Have your non-negotiable me-time

Self-care is essential. Whether it’s a relaxing evening routine after putting your little one to bed, an indulgent weekend skincare session (I always have my Silk’n LED mask ready!), or a non-negotiable monthly massage (highly recommend Lush Spa!), make sure to carve out time just for you. A spritz of Subtle Energies Revive Body Mist or their Rasyana Body & Hand Lotion has been my recent go-to, it has uplifting properties that remind me of the Peninsula spas.

Don’t hesitate to ask your partner or family for help, or even consider a childminder, to ensure you get that precious me-time. Treat yourself to whatever brings you joy, whether it’s shopping, a quiet café moment, or even a solo getaway (if you’re up for it!).

Asking for support without guilt

Many mums tend to bottle up their needs until they reach a breaking point and then feel guilty about it. The key to managing this? Communicate before you hit that point of overwhelm. As Anna explains, the goal isn't to justify needing support because, let's face it, we all need support, especially during life’s big transitions. Instead, the goal is to normalise needing help. It’s not failure, it’s human.

Start small:

By voicing your needs early and clearly, you create a healthier, more supportive environment where you can feel seen and heard.

When to seek help for postpartum rage

If you're experiencing postpartum rage that is impacting your ability to care for your baby, manage your daily life, or maintain relationships, it's important to reach out for support. Professional help can make a significant difference. Treatment options might include:

If you’re struggling with your mental health, don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor. They can recommend therapists, counsellors, or local support groups to help you navigate this. Below are some UK-based charities and organisations offering maternal mental health support, including help for postpartum rage and related issues like postpartum depression:

The Maternal Mental Health Alliance, Perinatal Mental Health Partnership, and Postpartum Support International are all excellent resources for supporting maternal mental health.

These organisations offer so much support for mums going through mental health struggles, whether it's during pregnancy or after birth. From emotional support to practical advice, they’re there to guide you and connect you to the right services. If you're feeling overwhelmed or just need someone to talk to, they’re dedicated to making sure you don’t have to go through it alone.

Remember, you're not alone on this journey, there are resources dedicated to helping you feel supported and heard. For more help, reach out to one of the organisations listed, and don't hesitate to take the first step in getting the care you deserve.

About the experts

Dr. Neerja Chowdhary is a psychiatrist and technical officer at the World Health Organization (WHO), focusing on mental health care integration into maternal and child health services. She works on developing tools to help health workers provide quality mental health support.

Anna Mathur is a psychotherapist, bestselling author, and mother of three. She is passionate about helping mums navigate guilt, anxiety, and overwhelm, offering practical ways to prioritize their own well-being while caring for their families.

About the author

Anne Lora Scagliusi is a Senior Digital Writer at Mother & Baby. She is a Scotland-based journalist with over a decade of international writing experience, specialising in women’s health, maternal mental health, and wellness. Her work has been featured in Vanity Fair, Marie Claire, and Glamour and has appeared on several Vogue global editions. She is a mum to one very energetic bambino and splits her time between Italy and the UK.