If you’re worried your man is transforming into his father before your very eyes, take this quiz to find out for sure.
When I had my first child I didn’t just become a dad, I started to become more like my dad – all of a sudden I had an intense urge to nap at 3pm and, for goodness sake, why do people keep leaving the bathroom light on? I will, though, never share a teabag between cups. Some things are sacred.
1. On the way home from the pub you pass a house party, does he:
a) Suggest you buy some beers and blag your way in?
b) Say he’d love to but he’s going for a 10k run in the morning and staying up after midnight really messes with his metabolism?
c) Knock on the door and explain to the owners they are in breach of Sub Section C of the local authority’s noise pollution policy?
2. A group of youths is approaching, does he:
a) Nod and mumble “alright”?
b) Make a mental note of their clothes, which he’ll buy online later?
c) Take a detour around them, looking over his shoulder every other step and wondering where all the bobbies on the beat are these days?
3. On arriving at a friend’s house for a long weekend he:
a) Bear-hugs his hosts.
b) Hands over the bottle of wine his wife remembered to bring and wonders when they’re going to open the damn thing.
c) Immediately engages in a discussion about the route he drove to get there.
4. On Saturday morning is he most likely to be:
a) Just getting home.
b) Absolutely certain it is not his turn to get up with the baby.
c) In Homebase buying a strimmer.
5. Your children ask for a pet; your man:
a) Jumps at the chance to get the Basset Hound he was never allowed.
b) Thinks it’ll be a great opportunity for his little one to learn about life, death and taking on a long term responsibility.
c) Says: “It’ll be me walking it every day when you lose interest. And do you know how much vets cost? That’d come out of your pocket money.”
6. He’d like a car:
a) Full stop.
b) That doesn’t struggle to overtake a mobility scooter.
c) That has enough boot space for a suitcase, several bikes and a thermos flask. Obviously he’ll be the only one allowed to pack said boot.
7. In that car he’s programmed the radio to:
a) Radio 1, because he’s down with da kidz.
b) Heart FM, because he likes pop music as much as the next man, but would rather it came with a tune.
c) Radio 4, because he loves documentaries about rare moths.
8. You are crying, does he:
a) Keep playing with his smartphone?
b) Scoop you up in his arms and tell you it’s going to be OK?
c) Crack an inappropriate joke such as: “It’s a lovely haircut! It’s amazing what they can do with a pair of garden shears these days”?
9. On holiday there’s a small child playing by the sea, he:
a) Doesn’t notice them.
b) Thinks: “That’s cute, but they’ve got no idea how to build a structurally sound sandcastle.”
c) Is overcome with concern because they’re not wearing a sun hat and who knows when a freak wave might sweep them away.
10. When he goes for a haircut:
a) He asks for whatever Zayn Malik’s got.
b) Has a bit off the back and sides and a tidy up on top. As always.
c) The hairdresser trims his eyebrows and ears. Without asking first.
Results:
Mostly As: Your man is still a carefree boy at heart. His father’s concerns are like a foreign country.
Mostly Bs: He’s clinging on to his youth, but the call of middle age is strong. He’s starting to follow in his father’s footsteps.
Mostly Cs: Your man hasn’t just become his dad, he’s becoming his granddad. Pass the slippers.